This time of year weddings are in abundance. There is no shortage of invitations and the printer in the Target wedding register is going crazy. In America 40% of marriages end in divorce. Over the next 15 years this percentage will probably rise to 50%. If I was a betting man, 40% odds would not be good enough for me, so I’d stay away. However, people don’t think in terms of odds, nor did I. I am glad to say that my marriage is as strong as ever. We have had our ups and our downs, but overall it is a happy marriage, and the best decision I ever made in my life. There were some things that my wife, Raquel and I did before marriage that has helped us create a healthy marriage and I want to share some of these tips with you today.

So here is a checklist of ways to know the person you love and adore is “The One”:

• Don’t have a short engagement! - An engagement is a time when you have found your true love and you have now starting the process of spending the rest of your days together. This is a time of learning. This is the time to ask questions and this is the time to see your partners true character. A three month engagement is consumed by a wedding and doesn’t serve any purpose. I would recommend at least nine months! I think it is vital to see how your future spouse acts and how their attitude changes during each season of the year. I am a very different person in winter than I am in Summer. You may like the summer Alex, but have no time for the winter Alex.
• Ask every question imaginable – Most people say the first year of marriage is the worst. I didn’t find that, only for one reason. Raquel asks a lot of questions. I hated it at first but now I appreciate it. She asked every question possible about me, my past relationships, my family, my future plans, my dreams, the way I would deal with scenarios and everything else to do with my life. These answers gave us insight into each other. We knew even before the wedding day how we would react in many situations. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, and if someone doesn’t want to tell, or ask the same questions back, take that as a red flag!
• Look at each others finances – Take a look at each others bank statements, savings accounts and credit card statements. This is for one purpose. You need to know how they deal with money. This isn’t about the amount of money, but how they handle it. Money is probably to number one thing you will have arguments over and that is usually how it has been spent. You need to be comfortable with each others money as one day it will be in one big pot for both to access.
• Observe how they treat their family – For me this is a given, yet many do not do it. How a guy treats his mother is the way he will treat his wife. How a daughter will argue with her father is the same way she will argue with you. The way they are with their family is their true character, if you haven’t seen that character in your relationship, one day you will.
• Pay off debt before you marry - Like I said before, money is a big argument maker in the life of a marriage. People who start off with a lot of debt, usually never get out of that debt, which results in many arguments. Do not worry about buying a home unless you have plenty of resources to do so. Starting a marriage off with a house payment you can barely afford will result in a lot of pain and heartache. One thing I made sure I did, I paid off any credit card debt, the engagement ring and my car before I proposed.
• Don’t have Sex! - I have seen so many relationships that have seemed perfect, then suddenly in the matter of weeks it all falls apart. When you investigate a little further, it is often at the point where the couple decided to have intercourse before they said their wedding vows. When you walk in obedience to God his blessing is on you and your relationship, when you disobey his blessing is lifted. These statements may seem a little old fashion and out of touch with our culture, but it is true and our ‘try before you buy’ culture has led to a society of broken marriages and broken families. If someone can’t respect you enough to keep their pants on before you get married why do you think they will respect you to keep their pants on after marriage when a better offer comes their way. If you have already had sex out of wedlock, take some time apart, seek God’s forgiveness, his purity and his blessing.
• Is God first in their lives? – If God is not first before they get married, there is no way he will be first after marriage. Marriage is a strain on someones relationship with God. It was a whole easier when I was single to keep a good devotional life than it was after. That is just the nature of marriage.

These are just some guidelines that have helped us. I hope they help. Remember, it is okay to doubt, it is also okay to call off a relationship before you get married. Do not feel hurried into marriage and never ever feel left on the shelf, these are warning signs of a failed marriage.

Any married people want to add to my list? Tell about their experiences? Leave a comment I’d love to here from you.